Can We Just Stop

One of my favorite childhood memories is of my Mom taking me to Washington Square to see the Christmas decorations. This is significant because there are four of us kids and most of the time in a large family we were competing for time and attention. She would try and take each one of us on separate occasions during the season. I don't remember much else about the trip, or even how many years we did it, I just remember her taking a day (maybe even an hour) to spend time with me and that is what made it so special.  


I can recall the excitement I felt when my sister and I walked down the stairs Christmas morning to see a Mandy and Jenny doll (they were cool in the late 70's/early 80's) propped up next to our stockings. I remember eating coffee cake Christmas morning that was a gift from a distant relative, it came in a box and tasted extra fancy.

These few things stand out to me, and are tidbits of what make up my Christmas childhood memories. I'm sure my Mom was bustling around to make it special for all of us kids, shopping for My little Pony, Barbies, Cabbage Patch dolls and Transformers. We probably didn't show much appreciation for all the effort that went into making it special. Obviously I do remember the presents but the best memory is about the time spent together. 

Now I'm a grown up (kinda), a Mom and a wife. The other day I started feeling sorry for myself and how this time of year just means added work for us women. Laundry, dishes, meals and all the responsibilities still need to be done plus ALL the extras seem to fall upon our shoulders. (I'm probably the only one that has these pity parties.) 

There's just so much to do with buying gifts for family, friends, teachers, making cookies, decorating the house and the tree, even getting the tree... and the list could go on. We are hard on ourselves if it doesn't turn out just how we had planned and worry we forgot to buy a gift for someone. 


Aside from the occasional pity party I was feeling pretty content with how we are "doing Christmas" this year, until I (shamelessly admit) scrolled through my Facebook feed. It really is so ridiculous, but I easily fall into comparing. It has a way of sneaking up on me so very subtle. One minute I am singing Christmas music and happy and the next I'm feeling like I'm not doing enough. 

The truth is, we are doing enough and maybe we just need to stop. 

Stop thinking she is a better Mom than you because (fill in the blank)! 
You are a good Mom because of what you did today in the quiet. Just because it didn't get praised and noticed (on Facebook) doesn't mean it didn't happen. 

Stop thinking she is a better wife than you because (fill in the blank)!
You are good wife because you support and help your husband daily, come along side him and be his friend. 

Stop thinking she is a better friend than you because (You get the point) 
You are a good friend because you saw a need and you met it, you were there for her and helped in a tangible way. 

It's sad to say we live in an age where so much gets celebrated on Facebook and if it doesn't get said or documented there we feel as if it didn't happen. (Again, maybe I am the only one.) 

So I will embrace these words myself. We are all doing the best we can, in spite of the challenges we are facing with everyday life, and still trying to make it the most wonderful time of the year. Maybe no one recognizes it or sees what you are doing. But that doesn't mean you aren't doing enough or are falling short. 

The reality is, our kids will remember the most random things, probably not what we are placing the highest value in today. Just like my childhood memories. I'm sure my Mom never would've imagined those trips to the mall were so meaningful to me then and still are to this day. 

With less than a week till Christmas, let's Stop beating ourselves up and instead let go of the unrealistic expectations and the comparison game. Maybe do something out of the ordinary with our loved ones, not because it's the most popular Christmas tradition or  because we have to check it off our list but because we want to. 

What I am doing is enough. 

What you are doing is enough. 

May we each experience contentment right where we're at and enjoy the rest of this season. 

Merry Christmas and thanks for reading friends. 

Setting a New Expectation & Telling the Truth

Rogan stood in the kitchen just minutes before it was time to leave for school, he looked up at the counter where his Lego droid sat in toy prison (that's a robot type thing from Star Wars, in case I lost you there).

Out of the blue he said, "I'm going to tell William today that I forgot my Droid at home." I was so occupied with getting out the door, coat on, shoes on the correct feet, dogs out , etc that it almost didn't sink in what he was really saying. The night before he got it taken away as a consequence, and evidently that day at school he had told his little friend that he would bring it the following day and show him. But now that he didn't have it for 3 days he devised a plan and made up a reason as to why he wouldn't have it. I told him that wasn't the real reason and he could just tell his friend he got in trouble and got it taken away for a few days. The look on his face said it all and he started to panic saying there's no way he could tell him. I paused much longer now and got down to his level. "Buddy, it's no big deal. Just tell him the truth. Why don't you want to tell him that you got in trouble?" Of course his response was a shoulder shrug with a "I don't know". I waited and asked again.

"Why do you feel you can't be honest with him?"

And then reluctantly he responded with a quiet whisper,

"Because then he won't be my friend."

I quickly assured him that I'm sure that wouldn't scare his friend away. I pondered this the rest of the day because I too face this almost daily. Fearing that they won't accept me if I'm real. 

As grownups (and obviously as kids) it is painful and terrifying to be transparent. Putting our hearts out there and telling the truth even if it is over the simplest of things. We make excuses and build little white lies as to why we can't come to the party or why we did this or didn't do that. The truth is scary and even more so when we don't get a response we had hoped for. Often times I get wrapped up in trying to please others and not letting them down. If I could just stop and ask myself why it matters so much. What's the worst that's gonna happen? They won't like me? Come on! That's about as silly as the conversation with my 6 year old this morning.

So what if we were all a little more honest? Not like airing all our dirty laundry for the whole world to see or sharing every detail. But being real enough to say, "yea today was stressful getting out of the house for the weekend and my husband and I were fighting before our romantic anniversary weekend." (Yes, that totally just happened) 

Being brave enough to say that you too have picked your kid up late from school or lost your cool and yelled or.... (Fill in the blank.) We all have those not so pretty moments, those times when we should probably have our most beloved toy put in prison.

Why are we so afraid to admit weakness and the fact that we don't have it all together? Some days I share the not so pretty truth easily and quickly. The words no sooner leave my lips and I am spooked because being honest and vulnerable is quite scary.

So why do I keep doing it, and why was it so important for Rogan to tell his friend the truth (other than the obvious reason to not lie)?

Because I believe that when we are vulnerable and brave we pave a path encouraging others to do the same. In doing so it drops the expectations that we must have it all together. Whether they follow or not, it is worth it, it may be what sets them free. 


The story ended well. Rogan said he needed my help to tell his friend why he didn't bring the Lego to school, so we did it together. I will admit I was laughing a little on the inside because this little kindergartner was looking at Rogan and I like we were going to tell him his dog died. To Rogan it was that serious. All was right with the world when his friend responded with a simple, "Oh, okay."

I realize it isn't always this easy to tell the truth and also that not everyone is a safe person but I thought this innocent example from a 6 year old served well to remind me how ridiculous I am at times and that being real is important. 

Let's be brave and real, showing others that it's okay to not be perfect. 

Thanks for reading friends. 

Where We've Been

Recently I learned of a photographer that was doing a special series about marriage. She was looking for three married couples all ranging in years married and soon to be celebrating an anniversary. She wrote in her blog about why she was doing this and how she is intrigued about each person's story, the highs and lows, the hard times...

"I want to document a life that's been made together. I want to photograph monogamy at its finest. I want to hear about the hardest thing, the biggest hump, that time you almost walked away, that time you came back, that uphill struggle, that pile of bills, those kids getting hurt and being sick or laughing at Dad or painting with Mom." -Laurken with Jolie Vue Photography

A tear rolled down my cheek as I finished reading because I saw our story written all over this. Like anytime I'm about to do something scary my hands started to sweat and my heart picked up the pace. "What am I doing?!" I thought, but oh well, here it goes. So I sat down and thought about us, about the highlights and the lowest lows, there are the obvious big mountains and then there are the times in between where we are coasting. And so, in light of our 16 year anniversary today I thought I would share with you all what I wrote to her. I don't expect to be selected but really, it's okay because what came from it was much better. Like always, words and writing help me to process and see reality more clearly. Sometimes I carry on in survival mode and forget to appreciate the hard work or see the beauty in the chaos. 

Here is what I wrote:   

"When I think about how I would write to you or how to sum up our journey, it has caused me to reflect and appreciate what my husband and I have been through and especially this past year. I'm not sure where to start and I don't want to bore you to death with every detail.
Here is a blog post I wrote a couple years ago and this is where it all started for us. The guy in the red Chevy pickup 

We brought a lot of baggage into our marriage as I mentioned in the post. The first 5 years of marriage were basically just rebuilding and trying to learn new tools, taking classes at our church and going to counseling. And then we decided to start a family. Gung ho and ready we "tried". Month after month passed and still no baby. The next 5 years we found ourselves getting fertility procedures and tests done all the while our friends are effortlessly getting pregnant. I sunk into deep depression and despite my husband's frustration with not being able to fix it he never gave up hope. I remember standing in our garage one day at my wits ends, crying and telling him I give up. He just looked up at me at said, "It's going to happen for us, I know. God is going to bless us with a baby." I didn't believe him but he stayed strong clinging to Faith for me when I couldn't. (You can read more about our adoption journey here).
Fast forward now to last year, we have an amazing 5 year old son that is a beaming light of God's love and provisions. 

Life is good, we were blessed with a humble little home on a few acres which has always been our dream, our son is getting to the age where he can go along hunting and hiking and adventuring with us. Yet my heart still ached for pregnancy and a baby. The 10 year mark had hit for "trying" and I found myself grieving the loss of not becoming pregnant still. We felt the pressures of it all on our family but especially on our marriage more than ever. I'm not sure why other than the nagging repetition of the same pain over and over for so long. We feared for our marriage, and knew that if we didn't get help, talk to some trusted friends and get new tools that we may not endure much longer.

I can't say that it's all peachy but I can say that after many honest heartfelt talks, tears shed and getting back to the things that fill us up we are happy. Like happy to be together just burning brush on our property or being together in the shop working on projects. God is so good and though I know my heart is not completely healed from the pain of infertility I can say that I have experienced a contentment and peace these past several months that I have prayed a very long time for. I trust that God knows what he is doing in our life and I look forward to spending many more years with my best friend."


Honestly, weeks have passed and I have forgotten about the photo session, it really isn't the focus. Rather, it has been on where we've been, what we have endured together, how we continue to find humor in the everyday stresses of life and look for hope in the unknowns ahead of us. 

So, on this 16th wedding anniversary we will celebrate the story and life we have lived together and continue finding adventure in it all.

Thank you to the friends who have walked by our side along the way and been such an important part of our relationship. 

She Has Something Beautiful to Offer

I am convinced once again that we need each other. We need friends and soul sisters, we need authentic relationships. Without them it's too easy to believe that her life is perfect and that she doesn't struggle with marriage, parenting, self worth and body image. We need real friendships to see that we all are in a battle and get discouraged. I have been connected recently with a couple ladies that I have known a very long time, our paths have crossed but we've never really stopped long enough to share. 

She sat across the table from me speaking words that I have said and thought for so long. I didn't know her story until now, and though I knew who she was I didn't really know her and never imagined she too battled infertility. Hours passed like minutes as I soaked up every bit of the conversation feeling less alone and isolated. She didn't look confused when I said how I really felt, rather she nodded her head and finished my sentence because she has felt the exact same way. There is no need to explain or apologize for my rather harsh words or thoughts, and she understands how certain (sometimes silly) comments and events are a sharp knife to the gut. To share similarities is comforting, to be understood and hear hope is refreshing to the soul. 

There have been several special friends that have intersected this road of infertility over the years, offering up understanding and that has carried me many times. I wasn't expecting it this time, and sometimes life catches me by surprise. My soul is weary and I can't imagine how talking about it anymore could help. It's almost like God nudges people together not because our struggle is new but because it is the perfect timing. 

This past year has stirred up heartache all over again and most days it is easier (and safer) to stay quiet and guarded. You start to believe the lie that people around you have grown tired of hearing the same ol' story, and so you say less. And with less heart connections and reaching out comes more isolation. With isolation comes assumptions of what others are going through and what they think about me. So I press on and pick very selectively who I turn to. Walking carefully through the season with my fragile heart. I desire relationships the same as normal but deep understanding and fulfillment doesn't come. Instead I walk away feeling misunderstood and lost. 

How easy it would be to remain exclusive and stick with the friends that know me well. To stay protected and stingy with my heart. 

Another path intersects and a friend shares her struggles, her deep heartache that I didn't know about and one I'm not familiar with. Her pain is different than mine but it is real and it's what challenges her to the greatest growth. We can relate not because we have the same story but because we've both experienced unfulfilled desires. She bravely and honestly admits that she doesn't understand what I am facing but she says she has shed tears for me and prayed countless times over the years. 

I am humbled. I never imagined she was going to battle for me. 

These conversations and heart connections don't change any of our circumstances. We aren't offering up advice, solving problems, or saving the world. 

Yet, somehow it is enough to share each others' burdens, shaking our heads in question as to why prayers go unanswered.  

We don't need an answer or an explanation (although sometimes it would be nice). What we need are the words, "I can't imagine" or "I understand", priceless precious words. When we listen rather than compete with who is suffering more, when we are honest about our fears, the light can shine into those dark places. The places where the enemy whispers lies that no one cares and everyone has forgotten.

When I risk and reach out I am encouraged. The enemy's  lies have no place here where friends are brave. 

Authenticity and words of truth bring light, reminding me that each and every one of us has our thing our unanswered prayer, our heartache, our "thorn in the flesh" and even if we haven't walked the exact road as our friend we can still come along side them and share tears. 

We need each other, those who can relate and those who can't, she has something beautiful to offer.  

Will I Trust God With His Words

Thoughts and ideas swarm in my head, I'm almost asleep. I tell myself I should really get up and write these things down, but instead I drift off to sleep, convinced I will write something tomorrow. 

But I don't.

I lack the faith to allow them out of my head and onto paper. Why? Because I believe they are nonsense, maybe a bit too emotional and will lead nowhere. 

I struggle to write the words not because I have nothing to say but because it requires something from me. It requires me to look within, it requires honesty, and demands that I find some resolve. It is a step of faith that God will meet me and bring clarity to my jumbled words.

A weary soul whispers in my ear, "there is nothing left to say on this topic of pain."

And so it is no surprise that I haven't posted in almost 2 months. I have allowed my lack of healing to determine when I write. Instead I blame it on busy schedules and feel justified in my reasoning. To say I'm too busy to write is like saying I'm too busy to breathe. It is my life line, the way I sort out my feelings. 

I sit silently waiting for a new topic, new words. To talk about something different. I wait for a little more contentment and peace with this life I have been given. 

Silence.

Resolve does not find me when I am silent. The words don't make sense in my head. 

And so I miss what He wants to speak to me. He has little tidbits of clarity and contentment, even hope to share with me. 

When I ignore the thoughts He plants in my head and believe no complete story can be made from the nonsense I am only denying myself the fulfillment that comes. 

Will I take that step of Faith? 

Open up my hands and trust that He will never grow weary of hearing my heart. (Broken as it may be.) 

Take that step of obedience even if it means getting up and writing those words down in the middle of the night. 

Believe that he can shed new light on an old burden.

And mostly, Listen expectantly.

Will I trust that He knows what He is doing and can make something beautiful with my doubt and disbelief? 

Will I trust God with His words?

Bring Your Part

I heard IT for the first time at the Writer's conference I attended recently. It was something I have thought, but not anything I had ever heard verbalized. An author and speaker, Emily Freeman spoke of the lies we tell ourselves and the fears that paralyze us. To hear her admit that she too has felt this way and then to look around the room at all the nodding heads, I realized I was not alone.

The lie: "Someone else has already done it (wrote a book) and probably better than I could."

I wanted to jump up out of my seat and shout, "Me too, I feel that way too!" I assure you, I didn't humiliate myself like that. But I have often felt this way. There is someone else already writing a book or a blog and who am I to follow in those footsteps. The one main theme I took from the conference was this - tell your story and be your own person. Yes, maybe someone already has done it (guaranteed they have) but that doesn't mean I can't still bring what I have to offer. It will be different and it will be unique, because each of us have a different story. 

Almost one month later I walk into a room filled with other artists. I look around, forcing a smile because I really just want to wipe my sweaty hands on my pants and run out the door. It is my turn to introduce myself to a room full of strangers and tell them what I make. I hold up my hands and show them the leather bracelet and cuff I am wearing, giving a brief description of what I do. As the introductions continue I soon find that I am not the only one in the room that works with leather. And by the time the meeting came to a close the feelings of doubt began to creep in.Thoughts like, "what am I doing, this girl is surely more creative than me....who do I think I am... an artist, ya right!" As I drove home I remembered those words. 

Someone else has probably already done it... and better. 

Pick almost any big feat or dream I'm facing and someone else has most likely gone before me. 

But, better? By whose standards? 

If I look at this with a worldly view I could certainly build a case as to how I don't measure up. I could compare and compete. Vow to do better with marketing and networking, set goals, reach for the stars! And while all those things are good in a successful business, I need to remind myself not to lose sight of what God has called me to do. 

"I don't need my name in lights, I'm famous in my Father's eyes. Make no mistake He knows my name. I'm not living for applause, I'm already so adored. It's all His stage, He knows my name".-Francesca Battistelli

The words to one of my favorite songs plays over in my head and I wish so badly I didn't connect so much with it. I love it and relate to it because it is a struggle. I do want my name in lights. 

Yes, I want to be known. (guilty confession) Don't we all though? To be recognized and applauded? To do well in this life? 

It's pretty great that God knows my name, and He adores me. I do believe I could work on this for the rest of my life. To grasp tightly and remember my identity in Him every day in the little things and so very importantly during those times of great risk and vulnerability. 


But there's also something so applicable for me to do every day. Not only does writing and creating bring life to me and give me such clarity and purpose, it is also My Part. The job, the life, the mission God has called me to. Little as it may be, it is mine. It may not be in lights, it may not be on stage and it may go completely unnoticed. 

So when I start to feel small and insignificant sitting in a room full of artists and authors with tremendous talent surrounding me. I will chose to remember that it's not about going where no man has gone before or being better. It is simply about bringing my part. 

My words to the page.

My style to the ordinary cuff.

My encouragement to a friend.

So what if there is a thousand other people bringing the exact same thing to the table. Even though it may look like there are multiple leather workers and a room full of authors and bloggers, we aren't all the same. If I focus strictly on what God is asking of me then it really shouldn't matter if she is better than me or more talented. Maybe she is. 

But what difference does it make because I don't need my name in lights...

I just need to bring my part. 

When Less is More

I am a spontaneous person. I love the surprises and last minute, spur the moment trips. Some of my best memories are ones that weren't planned and over thought.  

This past week during spring break we took a trip to the beach. Our plan was to just go for the day, find someplace to eat and let the kid and dogs run on the beach. When we set out that was my only expectation, to go for the day. That is until we got there. We made a trip to the ocean, ate lunch and then it began to rise in me. That spontaneity. That urge. What if... we just found a cheap hotel (that happily accepted two dogs...HA!), ran to the store and bought three toothbrushes and stayed the night!?

How fun. How exciting. How spontaneous.

We entertained the thought for a little bit, searched a couple hotels, and thought about what was planned for the following day. Mike was kind enough to give the green light even though it goes against his planning personality. But the more we thought about it (and all the extra cost) we decided to be responsible and stick to our plan. 

So we went to the beach one last time, letting the dogs run and Rogan dig in the sand. Then we loaded into our car, tired, wind blown and headed home. We drank the water and ate the snacks I had packed and when we pulled into the driveway I was quite surprised how happy and content I felt. 

Sometimes I think I get trapped in the cycle of consuming and wanting more. While spontaneity runs through my blood so does discontentment. It was like someone was whispering in my ear that day, "This is fun, but it could be even better if we stayed the night, ate out one more time and bought a new hoodie." 

Consumption! Gimme more please! 

The tune of my week seemed to be self discipline and I got a great opportunity to practice it. I don't plan to give up my spontaneous adventurous self, yet I also don't want to buy into the lie that I must do grandiose things to have fun. I started to justify in my mind that this is my personality...really? Or was it simply discontentment? 



To deny the desires of my greedy heart felt surprisingly good. Maybe not in the moment, but the next day as we ate breakfast and enjoyed a lazy morning I felt a sense of 'this is good'. This is enough!




Maybe a little discipline isn't so bad after all. Contentment followed close behind the decision to live simply and I felt quite victorious in the end. 

To say no to that restlessness inside me and resist the urge to grasp for one more thing. 

I must say, it encourages me to remember that sometimes less truly is more. 

Thank you for reading. May you find enjoyment and contentment in everything today. Whether is be simple, extravagant or spontaneous.    

When It Wears You Down

"...My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I toss down a book from one of my favorite authors, a book that I have been devouring and loving. 

It's my bath tub book, you know the perfect read after a long day. Full of short stories, some lighthearted and others deep, causing me to contemplate. I set it down about a month ago and couldn't bear to pick it back up because of what my eyes scanned in the next chapter. Baby talk! She started by saying her friend is pregnant and she is just so happy for her. I rolled my eyes and said, really it's in my face here too!?  I have surfed through so many waves of 'everyone is pregnant' over the years that I figure by now it shouldn't bother me. But it does because as much as I hate to admit it, I still want to be pregnant. Approaching forty and a decade later, it stills haunts me. 

Whether I try and be resilient or pretend it doesn't bother me, either way it wears me down. The constant reminder every month that I don't get to share pregnancy news, due dates, doctor appointments and big cute bellies. 

Longing and waiting has a way of making the heart grow weary. 

When I finally decided to keep reading the book I had a clenched jaw and a bad attitude. But I couldn't skip that chapter, it just didn't seem right, so I tried to read as surface as possible. Guarding my heart and taking it in as information only. It didn't take me long to see that I was very wrong about the content of this chapter. It was actually about the very thing I have recently been facing. Shauna Niequist in her recent book Bread & Wine boldly and courageously wrote about her aching heart and how she is tired of friends telling her of their pregnancy news with dread because they don't want to hurt her. I related so deeply when I read these words,

"I found myself believing that all my left-out, broken-down, fragile, ugly feelings would vanish the second I saw the all-important line on the pregnancy test." 

My clenched jaw dropped and my heart was instantly softened. As a tear rolled down my cheek I felt understood and not so alone. She took the words out of my mouth, the words I myself have written about and shared over the years, but now I was looking at them in front of me printed on a page... in a book! I was encouraged and I wasn't even looking for it. 

When I chose to crack that book open, I risked being hurt, but I also opened myself up to the very thing God wanted me to hear. That He has not forgotten me, He cares even if his plans are different than mine. 

To be vulnerable meant I could receive what I so desperately needed. 

I stand here holding two things. In one hand I hold and see all the beautiful blessings in my life. Mike and Rogan, a good job that provides, a home, friends... the list could go on. So many things in my life to be grateful for and celebrate everyday. And I do! But that doesn't mean there aren't still longings. In the other hand I hold years of waiting, unfulfilled desires, hopes and shattered dreams. 

I just can't bring myself to ignore one. It seems unfair to the other. To focus on only one would be living in denial of the other, a lopsided way of thinking. 

But to honestly admit and accept that in this life I can celebrate God's goodness yet be okay to still long for and desire something more. It isn't tidy and perfect and it certainly doesn't fit into a plan. In fact it is all very much out of my plan and my control. 

So what do I do with it? Because if I stand here and wrestle trying to hold both of these in my hands on my own, I grow tired, bitter, angry. 

Jesus said, " Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29

Is it really that simple? 

As I've experienced this week, I believe it is. It doesn't solve everything, but I feel less weight on my shoulders when I make myself vulnerable to Him and allow Him to carry me. Though it may not ever be "my turn", it is in these moments I feel a peace that no matter the outcome He can and will use me. He sees my struggles and loves me anyway. 

And that seems to be enough, at least for today. Who knows, tomorrow I may feel differently but for now I will celebrate the peace I feel despite the pain and uncertainty. 

(I pray that whatever burden you are carrying today, that you too would experience His Peace and rest for your soul. Thank you for reading friends.) 

Seeing Above the Fog

If you live in Oregon or have spent any amount of time here it is no secret that winters aren't very cheery with the rain and gray skies. I have always been one to buck the system a bit and proudly admit that I love the rain and all that comes with the cold dreary season. That is, until the sun comes out and I realize how much the weather really was affecting my mood.

Lately we have had crazy weather with a mix of cold, wet fog and warm sunny skies and that all depends on what town you are in. Some places you can barely see 20 ft in front of you and others it feels as if Spring is in full swing.

There is a reality that the sun gives us a more clear outlook on life, we feel better, move more, and are generally happier. But in addition to the benefits of vitamin D, I see a great analogy with this fog and sun when applied to seasons in my life. 

. . . . .

It was just a year ago that Mike and I said to each other for the millionth time how we would love a little piece of property, some space to call our own. It seemed impossible, truly. I remember sitting at our dining room table one afternoon writing (or at least trying to), I was staring out the window and imagining what it would be like to see further than the fence 6 feet away. So I ran a quick search for houses in our area. I came across one that seemed just perfect, there was a big yard and flower beds and lots of trees. Spontaneously that night we all hopped in the pickup to take a look...little did we know we had just taken the first step. Turns out we met our Realtor and even though that house wasn't the one for us, it was the one that inspired us to take another step toward something we had always dreamed of.

Most of this journey reminds me a lot of the blinding fog. We couldn't see around the next bend or the exact outcome. Just like driving home in the fog a couple nights ago. It was dark and so thick we only knew where we were on a back country road due to landmarks. We crept along at a snails pace because we couldn't see further than the hood of our car. This past year felt the same way, there were days when we didn't know what was next or how it would all turn out. We couldn't see far enough ahead to plan every detail. At times, it was just plain scary. But God wasn't worried. He saw it all from a different perspective, He knew the sun was on the other side of that fog.  

He just asked one thing from us, to get in the car and drive. To trust Him, and believe that He had something perfect for us. With much work and many steps later here we are, our house sold quick and we lived a great adventure last Summer. I can't even believe we have been in our place 6 months now. Living in the sun!

As much as I wish it was, life isn't always a formula and a perfect time table. Sometimes it seems easier to do something, anything. To take a step of action. Yet the fog lingers for much longer than I'd like. Seasons where being content and still are the "steps of faith". Seasons where I get in the car and start to drive and God lovingly turns me around and says now is not the time. 

But then, there are those moments when it IS God's perfect timing and all He asks is that we take one step in a direction. He guides us through that thick damp depressing fog and suddenly the skies burst open and we find our self in a whole new world. 

A whole new world.


With the blue skies and warm sun comes hope and a reminder of what is above the fog. Beauty beyond what the eye can see. Plans for our life greater than we can ever imagine.

He sees.

He knows. 

He has great plans for us and they are not to stay in the fog!

So when areas of my life remain in the fog, I will remember and keep this bright blue sky as a visual of God's faithfulness. 

Whatever fog you find yourself in today, may you not give up. Keep driving, keep trusting, because that warm sun IS above the fog. Thank you for reading.