God Please take this

Have you ever found yourself struggling with the same thing time and time again? Getting tripped up in the same area countless times? I know this rings true for me. The root problem is always the same regardless of the area in my life.

I lose sight of who God says I am.

Which then leads to insecurities, discontentment and comparing myself to others. I journal and pray. I join Bible studies. I write verses of truth on index cards and plaster them on my mirror. All of which are great steps toward growth yet still I find myself tripped up by the same issues.

Monumental ah ha moments always come at the oddest times for me, and this time is no different.

I was working on a bracelet for leather creations one afternoon and decided to watch a bible study DVD that a friend loaned me. I was listening more than watching as the bracelet kept tangling and driving me crazy. The title of the study was “Be Still”. It was talking about experiencing God and growing in our relationship with Him. And how we as women and mothers say we are just so busy, and can't set aside quiet time with God. Yet, we MAKE the time for social media and our favorite evening shows. (Ouch! That hit home)

With that brief summary, this is what spoke loudest to me and was my “Ah ha moment”.

“You are so distracted with social media and what everyone else is doing. Let go of it!”

For me this is huge, I mean really HUGE! The fears of losing contact with people or being left out of events and the latest happenings are terrifying! (I know, there are a lot more terrifying things in this world) But seriously, I felt a bit in shock the rest of the day that I was even considering such a crazy act. There are just times when I know that I must step forward in obedience and this was one of those times. I believe its not so much that I'm really good at listening to God rather that I had reached a place of being absolutely sick and tired of fighting this battle. The moment of surrender.

I'm now a month into this fasting from facebook and instagram. I can say it hasn't been easy and I'm sure I've missed out on things. But already I see how wrapped up I was in life out there instead of focusing on the beautiful life God has blessed me with. I've had time to write, and I've truly been more content with my simple little life. I'm sure there is much more to all of this than I can see right now, a bigger picture. 

Today though, I struggle a little less with discontentment and see growth in one little area of my heart.

Songs always speak to me greatly and this one by Plumb has been a big part of my latest journey. One of the verses says, “Standing on a road I didn't plan, Wondering how I got to where I am, I'm trying to hear that still small voice, I'm trying to hear above the noise... How many times have you heard me cry out "God please take this"? How many times have you given me strength to Just keep breathing? Oh I need you God, I need you now.”

According to Rogan this is “Our song” and you can be sure that we both sing it at the top our lungs when it comes on the radio or solo at any given time. 

May we all remember to hear that still small voice and cry out to God for help, surrendering those distractions for a deeper contentment.

Thanks for reading

Bat-sching-ers

Sometimes ya just gotta let the "To do list" go! 

And make bat-sching-ers. 

I'm not sure what they are really called but this what we call them. 

I must admit I felt a little frustrated when Rogan woke up after a 1 hour nap. (This is from a kid who still takes 3 hour naps most days) 

All I could think of was the list of things I still needed to do uninterrupted.

My agenda.

His eyes lit up when I reminded him that we still had to make bat-sching-ers. 

(We saw them in Bi Mart earlier and figured I could surely figure out a way to make them) 

It's amazing how much joy came from making these silly things. 

To stop what I was doing and enter into a world where cardboard and paint was a great adventure. 

They were barely dry before they were assisting batman in slaying bad guys in the backyard.

I would've missed out on a great blessing if I stayed with my agenda. 

Back to my list, making applesauce, dinner, laundry... I feel mostly accomplished from getting paint on my fingers. 

Thanks to my almost 4 year old for bat-sching-ers! 

P.S.  Before you start thinking we are the Brady Bunch, let me assure you we also had a couple trips to the corner for attitude adjustments in between play time. 

The first step

I'm hoping as I just start writing things will happen, the words that have been bouncing around in my head will just flow.

I have been dreaming of writing a blog for several months now and convincing myself that it just isn't the right time yet. Quite possibly it hasn't been the right time up to this point, or maybe I've allowed fear to hold me back.

Something has changed these past few weeks and I have had a renewed passion for writing.

I have know idea if now is God's timing for me to step out with this but I will continue to take steps of obedience and see where He leads me.

Let me back up... I attended a writers conference back in April. It was a huge deal for me to even sign up for it let alone go to it. I felt completely dis qualified. For cryin' out loud who am I to go to “writers conference?!” My amazing husband encouraged me to go. Seems I'm always pushed toward growth when I say yes to something that causes my hands to sweat and my heart to pound out of my chest. I was fed and filled up in a great way that weekend.

The main thing God kept laying on my heart was “Write” you've got a story to tell. I went in thinking the biggest story I have to tell is our journey of infertility and adoption. During my most painful years of infertility I found the most comfort in reading books that other women wrote on the topic. Who knows if I will ever write a book on infertility but I will hold on to it as a big picture dream of mine.

After the conference and after talking to friends and people I met there, I began entertaining the thought of starting a blog. I will confess, I struggle with acceptance and what people think of me. And honestly that is what has held me back even prior to the writers conference.

Yet God lovingly reminds me of this, “You live my precious daughter for an audience of one.” He is my audience and it's Him who I want to be obedient to. I have seen his grace and provisions poured out over my life time and time again when I say “Yes” to Him.

I feel like I should have a theme for this blog, Infertility, Family, Motherhood....oh, the list could go on. But I just can't fit my life into a box or the healing and restoration that God has done in my life. So maybe instead it's just a blog about an ordinary girl that has faced trials, made mistakes and experienced much of God's blessings and undeserved grace.

Thank you for taking this first step with me and reading my first blog post!