Relaxing in His grace

Enter His gates with thanksgiving; go into his courts with praise. Give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good. His unfailing love continues forever, and his faithfulness continues to each generation.

Psalms 100: 4-5

These verses really spoke to me earlier this week,  and how appropriate with tomorrow being Thanksgiving. I saw this verse in a new light.

The word Enter  and Come before Him especially got my attention. I will admit I still struggle with a performance mentality, feeling I need "do". I've grown a lot in this area but it seems to raise its ugly head from time to time. 

So really all I need to DO is simply go before God, praise Him, look for ways to be thankful throughout my day and...Relax!!  

I thought about writing a big post on thankfulness and feeling that I should have something grand to share with it being Thanksgiving and all, but once again I was trying to perform and do.

So here it is, short and sweet. This Thanksgiving I will be thanking Him and recognizing all the ways he has blessed me and my family. 

"Give Thanks" cuff available through Leather Creations (message me for details)

May you all be blessed with a relaxing Thanksgiving, embracing the simple fact that you are loved! 

Thanks for reading. 

Bending beneath the weight of His wind

I walked around the house yesterday humming and singing "How he loves us" by David Crowder. It wasn't because I had recently heard it, for some reason It was just on my mind.
 
Then at college group last night we sang it. And in that moment sitting there in Jon and Lynsey's home I heard something so differently about the song I thought I knew well. The words of this song sank deeply into my heart and the words spoke directly to me.
 
He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful you are and great your affections are for me.
 Read more: David Crowder - How He Loves Lyrics | MetroLyrics
 

Of course, anytime a reference is made to a tree you have my attention. With the windy, rainy fall weather we recently had it is easy to see this analogy. I watch the trees behind our house as they all move together, swaying and bending with the wind. They would snap if they were stiff and rigid. So often I am rigid, anxious, trying to make a plan. Allowing desires and decisions to bog me down.

His words are clear to me,

"My love is like a hurricane and you are a tree, give in to my will, bend child".  
 
Last week at college group we were talking about being yoked with Jesus, how His yoke is light when we are walking with him, He is literally right beside us, carrying the weight. 
Matt 11:29

The discussion continued last night with Christ dwelling in us, not walking ahead of us dragging us along or behind us. But right with us, shouldering life with us.
The question was asked, "how do we show our gratitude to Christ for dwelling in us?" My first thought was I show my gratitude by thanking Him and praying and spending time with Him, which I think are all good things. But then someone answered they show gratitude by trusting him and his plan.  Not hanging on to entitlement, whining and sniffling that I didn't get my way. (paraphrased to my words) So easily I can feel entitled or whining because I want something different, a different path. The correlation between trust and gratitude never really clicked to me before that moment. Or maybe it had, but I heard it differently last night with the things that weighed heavy on my heart.

I'm rejecting his light burden when I hold tightly to my plans, my pain. And the vicious cycle begins. Self reliance, self focus, distrust, ingratitude. 


A 3x5 card fell out of my Bible this morning. And it laid on the floor for awhile. Finally after walking by it several times I reached down and picked it up. Here are the words I had written some time ago.


"Gratitude is the foremost quality of a believing disciple precisely because gratitude is what births trust- the true belief." I can't remember where I read this or who wrote it, I certainly can't take credit for it. But what perfect timing for it to fall out of my Bible.

Sometimes I just get tired of hurting and struggling with the same things over and over. And in my selfishness I want a solution, a simple answer, I want life to be a bit easier. How appropriate right now before Thanksgiving that the subject of gratitude comes up and how it all ties together.

So today I choose to trust Jesus, thanking him for walking with me, for bearing the weight of my burdens. I trust him with my hopes, dreams, plans... my life. Isn't that the least I can do! And in that surrender and trust I become a little less aware of my afflictions, and I am overcome with his peace.

As a close friend just said to me, " We will be hunched over old ladies together one day after years of bending."

May you bend in that rigid area of your life today and trust the path God has for you.

Thanks for reading.

"Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
 



  


 
 

The guy in the red Chevy pickup

In honor of our 14 year Anniversary today I thought it only appropriate to share a bit of our love story.

I was only 18 when I started working for a construction company as a flagger and grade checker. I was young and naïve, insecure and trying way too hard to be one of the guys. It didn't take me long to notice this guy, he drove a red Chevy pickup. The guys called him "Red" (aka: Mike). He stood out to me because he always treated me like a lady even when I wasn't acting like one. When the other guys would give me a hard time he would reassure me with a look or a wink. I saw something different in him, a genuine care and compassion.

There was a spark...I guess you could say "Love at first sight". 

We would go months without seeing each other since we each worked on different crews for the company. 

My heart would skip a beat when I would pull up to a job sight and surprisingly see that red Chevy pickup. 

I will never forget the day he asked me if he could take me out for a date. Then he realized our age difference and said he had to at least wait till I was 21. I was impressed by what a gentlemen he was but couldn't imagine waiting months. I think it helped that we didn't see each other every day. We would randomly work together and talk and flirt.

He had a chocolate lab named Zeus and one day at lunch Zeus walked right up to my lunch box and lifted his leg. Of course Mike felt terrible. I didn't really care, his dog could do no wrong as well as him. To this day we joke that Zeus was letting Mike know that he approved of me and was marking his territory.

My sisters heard all about this guy at work and I even named a cat with his last name. There's a story of how I stalked him and killed my Mazda pickup in his apartment complex. Great little memories and silly infatuation!

After dating a few months

After all these years of waiting my 21st Birthday finally came and the following weekend he took me out on our first date. We went to a little bar in Beaverton (they have since tore it down), we drank beer and played darts. Classy, right? It's ours though, our sweet memory and our first date. I figured he wouldn't call me after that first date because that's all I knew. I was jaded and numb, broken and hardened. I told myself it didn't matter if he never spoke to me again at work or never took me out again. Preparing my heart for the worst.

He was different though, different than all the other guys. Just a couple days later he called me and asked me out on another date. We kept it quiet at work around our coworkers for the first month or so. It was mysterious and exciting, our little secret. He always treated me like a lady, respected and cherished me, something I rarely saw in other guys.

Our coworkers didn't have much positive to say as word got out about our relationship. They saw something that we couldn't see, a train wreck waiting to happen. Honestly, we were headed down the wrong road, one of entitlement and an "us against the world" mentality.

The years leading up to our first date were anything but healthy for me. I was living my life solely for the approval of guys. If I got asked out on a date I felt like I was worth something and had value. I had no self respect or moderation when it came to partying.

I carried those destructive ways into our relationship by numbing pain with alcohol and trying to earn love acceptance from Mike. I made up my own rules and rebelled at everything I knew to be right and true. And most importantly,  I would prove everyone wrong that said we wouldn't make it.

The problem with this was it was all about what I could do in my own strength, refusing to look at the deeper issues.

We were two broken hurting people but God saw something different, He saw potential. He was already at work even though we were oblivious

One year later on my birthday Mike got down on one knee at the Flying M ranch and asked me to marry him. Two years after our first date on November 14th we got married at a cute little place in Vancouver, WA. 

Engagement Photo 1998

It wouldn't be real to write a pretty little story of how we met and how he proposed and where we got married. The parts of the story that were hard and rough, those are the parts that makes us who we are today. That is what makes us "Mike and Chelsea". I wouldn't recommend taking the road we did. We've been through some valleys and deserts and seriously rough patches that I thought were going to break us for good. But God is gracious and loving and has had His hand in this from Day 1.

Even though we weren't walking with God when we met we always agreed on one thing. We both wanted someone that was willing to grow and change together. I believe that carried us through a lot. Years later we started seeking God and inviting Him into our marriage and that is when the real growth began. The foundation was being rebuilt.

Growing is a forever process, we are still taking classes and reading books, seeking out tools for our marriage.  

God has changed us both dramatically in the past 19 years. But He's left some things unchanged, like the qualities that attracted me to Mike in the first place. 

He is bold and purpose driven. He doesn't wait to be told what to do, he just moves forward and problem solves. Yet even with that forward momentum he is patient and sensitive. Always understanding of my emotional meltdowns. Listens to my many words ( I think I have more than the average woman) and has great discernment.

I couldn't have asked for a better husband to walk this road of healing with me. And I can honestly say I love him more today than I did 14 years ago because of the blood, sweat and tears we have shared together.

November 14th, 1999

Thanks for reading a part of my story, a piece of my heart.

A Memorable List

I feel as if I'm bursting at the seams with inspiration and words after spending eight days on vacation. Elk camp to be exact.

I'm not really sure where to begin so I will simply make a list of my memorable and thankful moments from elk camp 2013. And since I'm a list maker this should be easy.... so here we go!

1. Quiet space. Margin. Time to pause.
2. The smell of a campfire.
3. Coyotes howling at 2 am
4. Waking up to see your own breathe.
5. Sleeping in long underwear, wool socks and a beanie (see number 4)
6. Walking through the woods side by side with my husband. 
7. Laughing over the silly ridiculous things (because of that extra margin)
8. No time schedule other than shooting light.
9. Coffee with grounds in it.
10. Playing spades for the first time and getting my butt handed to me.
11. Sitting on a stump, listening, praying, waiting.
12. Hearing my little mans voice on the phone hundreds of miles away.
13. Duct tape when the soles give out on my favorite boots.
14. Warming my cold feet and hands on a wood stove. 
    
    
    
15. Feeling hunger from a hard earned hike. 
16. Listening to Bob's stories.
17. Praying my daily prayer as I walk on the frosty ground in the morning light.
18. Seeing the sunrise from the top of the world. 
    
19. An owl in a tree.
20. Grandparents willing to watch a four year old for 8 days.
21. Friends pet/house sitting.
22. Understanding and tenderness from my husband on the days I just couldn't be tough.
23. Standing in the dark for hours waiting for shooting light.
24. Hearing cows and bulls talk to each other on every side of the tree I leaned against.
25. Birthday pancakes and surprise presents on my air mattress after the morning hunt. 
26. A day late celebration with my folks and little sis at DQ on our way home.

My heart is filled with something that only space can fill.

I know for some of you staying in a tent for a week and tromping around the woods isn't your cup of tea.

I'll be the first to admit I'm a little strange. A canvas tent and fresh air is just what I needed.

It amazes me how God knows exactly what speaks to Mike and I.  What we needed to come together as a couple, united and connected.

I can still smell the musty smoky smell of our gear in the garage and it reminds me of what was built last week. Relationships, memories and a full heart.

PS- We didn't get an Elk, but as you can tell that's ok. Still had a great trip!