Why Your Story Matters

I've been challenged recently to write out a piece of my story from a time in my life that greatly shaped me and changed who I was. That time being my high school and college aged years.

I'm reminded of how broken and lost I was at 16 years old when my whole world came down around me. I lived the years to follow believing that I wasn't worthy of love or respect and showed it in my actions. I desperately looked for love and approval. As the song goes, "I was looking for love in all the wrong places."

All these years later I reflect back to that time in my life and the first thing that comes to mind is, "I really shouldn't be Okay!" I don't mean to be dramatic here, but seriously, the damage that was done turned the course of my life. Events shaped me and left eternal scars.

I have found healing through counseling and God's truths over the years, I've shared this story with girls going through similar situations and have seen God use my story. Yet, I'm still taken back by God's ability to write a beautiful story of transformation. In the past I was focusing on healing and now I see the miracle a little more clear. 

It's easy to grow familiar with the scars that I deal with on a daily basis but often times I forget the severity of the wound that made them.   

I can relate my past experiences to the story of the woman at the well (John 4:1-40). She had a bad reputation, she was alone and isolated, and appeared to have no self worth. I can assume that men didn't treat her with respect and she didn't trust them. And then she meets Jesus, he wasn't judgmental of her life rather he gave her hope. The kindness He showed her seemed to light a fire in her, giving her the courage to boldly go back to the village and tell the towns people what she saw. Given her history she was probably the least likely to be sharing the good news, yet God used her anyway. There have been key people in my life over the years that have lit that same fire in me, giving me courage to do things that I was too terrified of otherwise. They saw potential despite all the brokenness of my life. Most importantly, Jesus saw through my hurt, my poor choices and my less than pretty actions and He wrote a beautiful story from a life of destruction.  What a miracle God works in our very broken lives.

"Let me see redemption win. Let me know the struggle ends. That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn. I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life. And all that's dead inside can be reborn. Cause I'm worn." (Tenth Avenue North "Worn")

I love this song by Tenth Avenue North. He CAN mend a heart that is frail and torn, the most fragile heart. He can and will heal it. I am living proof of a life that has been reborn. I lived a life of guilt and shame for many years and Jesus came along and gave me the time of day. 

He gave me the time of day! 

It helps to glance over my shoulder at times and remember what God has carried me through. Whatever you may be going through today, hold on to this truth that He loves us regardless of our past mistakes. 

"See how very much our Father loves us, for He calls us his children, and that is what we are."  
(1 John 3:1)

The leather cuff that started it all

 "Don't give up" is what this cuff symbolizes to me.

I look at this worn piece of leather with rivets haphazardly placed all over it, there's no pattern, it's crooked, and probably looks quite odd to most people. But it is dear to me because it symbolizes so much. Part of it being the start of my Leather Creations business three and half years ago. But the most important part is the purpose of why it was ever created in the first place. 

Mike and I were leading the college aged ministry through our church. We made the cuffs to remind us of the unhealthy things we each chose to remove from our lives. For some it was to quit drinking or smoking. Every week they were able to stick to their commitment we would put a rivet to mark the success. For me personally, I chose to give up sugar and junk food. 

I remember cutting the leather out and setting snaps right on our dinning room table. I had no idea what I was doing and no thoughts of what this little project with these students would turn in to. 

There was one girl who took this very serious with me and each week we would ask each other how the other did with resisting temptation and then we would victoriously set a new rivet. There were weeks when we didn't get to put a new rivet on our cuff, but that gave us motivation to try again the next week. 

It just goes to show how good accountability can be in our lives. And any leadership position I've been in has done just that, held me accountable. While giving up junk food isn't a huge deal (well, it kinda was for me), I was also held accountable to keep following Jesus through some of the hardest seasons in my life. 

Multiple times I wanted to throw up my hands and say "this is just too tough", but I chose to keep pressing on because I didn't want to let them down.  

What was intended as a simple exercise to help the students (and myself) cut the not so healthy out of our lives turned into a fun hobby for me. I'm humbled at how this little business has grown. Most days I don't feel qualified to be creating a sentimental piece for someone or creative enough to make something new. But one thing is certain, everyday I learn a little more, usually by trial and error. I am happy to say I no longer set snaps on my dining room table or dye leather on my kitchen counter. :)

A few weeks ago I pulled this "original" from my stack of cuffs on the dresser. I purposefully left it out to remind me not to give up. The last few months haven't been the best with my "healthy eating". 

The good news is, It's never too late to start again even when we do get a little off track. 

So if you see me wearing it you now know why it doesn't look much like the pieces I make today. It will forever be a special cuff to me because  it reminds me of treasured relationships, growth and to never give up.

Oh sweet discipline...

The consistency of my blog posts are evidence that I am not a disciplined person left on my own. I am the type of person that needs a plan otherwise I just do what I feel like and what really needs to be done.

If you were to look at my refrigerator right now you would see a lot of  photos, 4 year old drawings and a race training schedule. Why? Because that is the only way I am consistent with exercising and running. I need something to look at each day and tell me what to do. And then, (my favorite part) when I complete the work out I cross through it with a victorious yellow highlighter. 

I'm also a list maker and have been known to add something to my to do list after it has been completed just so I can cross it off. Yes, I know I'm a little weird! 

My friend Sara recently started the Storyline Productivity schedule by Donald Miller. She's been telling me about it and how it is helping her with purpose and routine. I first met Sara about 7 years ago while volunteering as a high school leader through our church. What started out as student/leader relationship has grown into a dear friendship. She has challenged and taught me so much over the last several years. I'm always amazed at how relationships work, it doesn't matter your age, season of life or struggle, we ALL have something to offer and can encourage each other to something bigger. Lately I've been challenged to become more purposeful in my daily tasks as I watch her grow and change before my eyes. 

What's this "Productivity schedule" all about?

In a nutshell,  it helps you to plan out and organize your day giving yourself breaks or rewards so it's not just one giant overwhelming day. Often times I start each day without much of a plan. I am by nature a spontaneous person, and don't like rigidity. I have some things nailed down like grocery shopping and nap time for Rogan, but other than that I do what needs to be done and then tend to avoid what I don't want to do (like clean). 

Right now for instance, I have "write a post for blog" listed on my schedule. As silly as it sounds, if I don't schedule it, it won't happen! My hope is this will help me to be more purposeful with each thing I want to accomplish and do. A way for me to take action and not just think about what I "should" be doing (this is where GUILT creeps in). 

As always I have to extend myself grace because lets face it, some days just don't work out the way we think. For me though, having things written down on paper helps them to 
A.) not be so overwhelming  
B.) hold me accountable

I wouldn't register for a half marathon and then just  "try" and get my workouts in before hand, hoping for the best on race day with 13.1 miles ahead of me. When each day is broken down to achievable tasks then the big number doesn't seem so overwhelming. Same goes with my job (Mom, wife, friend, small business owner), some days are just overwhelming and I lose sight of what really matters. I don't want to float along willy nilly through life hoping for the best. I want to be a good steward of my time and train well for this race of life.  

I realize this exact schedule may not be for everyone, it's just what I'm finding helpful to me right now as well as challenging me to be more disciplined. I'm hoping to gain more "want to's" rather than "have to's" and becoming more consistent on the things that really matter in life.

Thanks for reading. 

PS... by posting this it will hold me accountable to stick with this longer than a week ;)