Four years ago I became a Mama!

Happy Birthday to Rogan!

How has it been four years already? 

I remember standing in line when he was just months old, I had him all bundled up in his car seat in the stroller, he was sleeping, I was relaxed smiling. Another Mom with two little toddlers said to me, "soak up every minute of this, because once you have more it will never be the same, there's just something special about a brand new baby". I heard similar words everywhere I went... "cherish every moment because it goes so fast". Every time I answered the same, " oh trust me, I am! I've waited along time for this and I'm loving it"! 

I was in a Bible study and a friend came up and gave me a hug, my shoulder was wet with spit up. She said, "Oh I remember those days, I hated being covered in spit up all the time." I replied, "I absolutely love it!" 

Ya, I know I'm just a little crazy. But there's just something different about me, maybe it's the lens I view these things through, the lens of pain from an empty womb. 

Spit up, poopy diapers, snotty noses...bring it on! I'll take every bit of it! 

I no longer have the dirty diapers or spit up to deal with...(tear), he is growing way too fast before my very eyes. Don't get me wrong, it's not all puppies and rainbows all the time, I do have my frustrating days. But I pray I've never taken any of this motherhood for granted. He truly has blessed our lives more than I can ever put into words, but I will try and recap what we experienced four years ago today...

From this journal are words I have written and will continue to write to Rogan about the day he was born, funny things he's said, and other adventures. 

10/9/09

We load up the car with diaper bags, portable crib, formula, bottles, all the necessary baby things, and we drive to Vancouver. The birth mama is 9 days past her due date and this is the scheduled day to induce. Our case worker told us not to rush up there, because most likely it would be an entire day of waiting. 

We were there by 9 am! Ooops...

I remember trying to be calm and relaxed but I think it was pretty much impossible! Most moms are a little distracted and preoccupied on the day their child is born. Me, I was eating Burgerville for breakfast, checking into a hotel and wandering around Walmart to kill time. We became quite familiar with the hospital waiting room, we watched countless families come and go. Some waddling in, and others being checked out to head home with their bundle of joy. I will say, there isn't a magazine you can read to keep you entertained for 12 hours while there is a girl in the room down the hall giving birth to a baby that will be our son. 

Here is what I wrote on the day he was born, 

"Oh, sweet baby, we met you today! You are so precious! Your birth mom handed you to me with tears in her eyes, showing gratitude to us. I've never felt more blessed. You were born at 9:36 pm weighing 7lbs 4oz. I'm so rummy and tired already that I heard the nurses say you were 55" long and I didn't think a thing of it...you were really 19 1/2" long." 

We were bustled off to the infant ICU, where he was given his first bath and looked over by the nurses. He was perfectly healthy but because the adoption wasn't final he had to be kept in a lock down facility. We stayed there with Rogan hooked up to monitors (ICU protocol), taking turns sleeping on the one little bench while the other one went back to the hotel room to shower, eat and catch a couple hours of sleep.

10/13/09 
Finally paper work had gone through and we were released from the hospital. Of course, this all took place on a holiday weekend so everything was delayed. It still seems crazy that we were so excited to take a newborn "home" to a hotel, where we would be until a judge signed off on more paper work so we could cross the border into Oregon. We weren't able to have any visitors for the five days we were in the hospital, so you can imagine we were pretty happy to show him off to our family and friends at the hotel. 

We spent a couple more days hotel living, but that seemed like a piece of cake because we didn't have nurses coming in and out every couple hours, we had a TV, a bed, and most importantly we were all together! 

Through all the years of heartache I never imagined this would be what God was planning for us. It certainly doesn't make the pain and the scars of infertility go away. They remain to this day and I still get hit with the heartache of not becoming pregnant. But one thing I know for sure is God blessed Mike and I more than we deserve with a happy healthy baby who is growing into a fine little boy!

May I never forget how much God cares about me and our family!

Now, I'm off for a date day with my lil man! Thanks for reading :)