Expectations

I can be going along fine with relationships in my life and then my crazy dreaming brain has to go and think something up. You know, that very thing that would speak to your heart and encourage you? And when the person doesn't read your mind you’re disappointed.

I recently had this happen with my husband. Now, let me just stop and say, I have his permission to be sharing this and we are laughing about the situation now. But last week it wasn't so funny...

I got it in my head that I just "had" to have this pair of rubber boots, I'd been eyeing them for some time but the forecast for an especially stormy weekend made me really want them. I was in town one day and decided for $20 I better just get them, but they didn't have my size. That night I told my husband and said "if you ever want to get me a present this is a great idea, hint hint". 

A little back history, we have had multiple conversations that gifts is one of my love languages, he knows this and strives to speak to me that way. Although if any of you know about love languages they can be tricky because it is difficult to speak a language different than how you're equipped. So for him, buying a little insignificant gift doesn't say "I love you and I care about you"  the same way it does to me. 

So a couple nights later there was some cash on the desk from a Leather Creation sale. He asked if he could take a twenty because he had ran out of spending money for the week. My heart hoped a bit and I thought maybe he is thinking of me.

I could have gone and bought them myself but as I've always said, "It is not about what IT is, it's the reason and the thoughtfulness behind it". 

My expectations weren't even to the forefront of my mind when he got home extra late because of terrible traffic. What was currently on my mind was the chicken taking forever to cook, the overcooked-soggy vegis and the burnt sweet potato fries. All the while Rogan is bouncing from one couch to the next dressed as Spider-man asking me to play with him and be his hero. Basically I had forgotten about the stupid boots by the time he walked in the door. Although, I responded with a much deeper disappointment and hurt when my exhausted husband showed annoyance with the flock of fruit flies hovering over the kitchen sink. I immediately flew into the unappreciated wife mode... "I cleaned the house, cooked dinner, organized the spare room, took the cat to the vet, made a pie, mowed the lawn, ran the dishwasher twice! Yet the minute you walk in the door you attack my abilities as a house wife to manage fruit flies!" I may not have said one word of that but I do know all that was running through my mind and I do know that my countenance changed, my tone, and expressions. Usually my feelings are written all over my face...unfortunately. 

It is much easier to jump to accusations that he doesn't appreciate all I do, but let's be honest here, the big issue is I came up with an idea, a sweet little gesture in my head and then when he didn't read my mind I was hurt. It is all so ridiculous spelled out on paper now. Isn't that just the way it is with most of our little disagreements with our loved ones?

Because my husband is determined not to let issues brew and fester he dug till he got the real issue out. After Rogan was in bed we talked and I felt pretty silly admitting that I had hoped for the boots and the real issue wasn't that I felt unappreciated as a mom and housewife. 

See, the problem with expectations is we miss what the person IS DOING, we put perimeters on what will bless us- the only way to reach us. With my focus (consciously or subconsciously) on the boots I forgot about the note he left me in the morning appreciating my hard work and the text he sent me during the day saying I was Super woman and most importantly, the grace he extended over the dried out, burnt, soggy dinner. I couldn't ask for a more loving, caring, listening husband. He is always willing to talk and hear my saga of a day even after he has worked ten hours and commuted three. God has blessed me with a great guy. Yet unmet expectations can quickly put me into a victim pity party mood.  I've done this plenty with God too when I pray and ask Him to fulfill a hearts desire. When it doesn't happen I feel forgotten and let down. 

So whether it be my husband, friends, family or God wouldn't it just be better to accept what it is they do, say, or give? I think I will forever struggle with expectations. But the sooner I can identify the problem and get off my butt from the pity party pit the less I will build a case against that person and the sooner I can accept their love and appreciation. I will continue with this journey and keeping my eyes peeled for those sneaky expectations!

{Yes, I got the boots as you can see from the picture. They had one in my size left, yay!}