Waiting In Line

There's this ride at the carnival and I hear it's a really fantastic one. Some people talk about it like it's the scariest, most life changing thing they've ever experienced. 

I had always dreamed of the day and spent years planning. When the time came I bought a ticket and went to the carnival. There was so much anticipation and so much to look forward to. 

The line was long to this famous ride and people were giddy over it. I found my place at the back of the line. I was a little nervous as I fidgeted there, I just didn't know what to expect. People walked by and told me that it can take a really long time but it's worth it. 

They said things like, "Don't worry, you've got time, just relax." And so, I patiently waited. 

As the wait grew longer my feet started getting tired and the sun beat down on my face. I started getting discouraged and questioning if it was worth it. I watched the ride spin 'round and 'round, all the while becoming more anxious. 

I imagined how it would feel. Would I love it or would I be sick the whole time? 

A couple times I got all the way to the front of the line, my turn was so close I could taste it. My stomach started to turn, I even felt all the symptoms and feelings that others described.

I stood in the shadows as girls giggled and shared their experiences about how great the ride was and how much fun they had. I longed to know what they were talking about. 

I stood there watching as it was her turn. She stepped up to be seated, she was about to experience it for the first time. All her friends were cheering for her and planning a huge celebration for afterwards.

I stood there unnoticed as some were able to walk right to the front of the line, not waiting at all.   

As people were getting off the ride they were laughing and sharing their stories. Each one had a slightly different experience but they all had one thing in common, they each had a turn. 

My anticipation grew with each passing hour and I just couldn't wait to experience it for myself.

A passerby stopped to warn me, "You don't want to ride that ride, it will just make you sick. It made me sick... be glad you haven't had a turn." 

"Maybe it will", I said, "but I'd like to decide that for myself even if I am sick." 

Another person stepped off the ride exclaiming, "Oh that's the greatest thing ever! I can't wait to do it all over again!" 

I stood there patiently, STILL standing there hoping that my turn would be soon. I believed their stories but it didn't change the fact that I'd still like to experience it for myself.  

Someone passes back by the line, they are stunned to see me still standing there. They ask, 

"You STILL want to ride this ride?"

"Aren't you getting a little old for this kind of stuff?" 

I reply with what feels like the last stitch of kindness, "Yes, YES in fact I do! Time doesn't erase a desire."    

You see, I've been patiently waiting in line and holding on to God's promises for 12 years. I know some who have been in line longer than me and some much less. But this is my experience and my story, the days are long when the disappointment and frustration is real.

These years have not been wasted, many times I've gotten out of line to experience a lot of amazing rides. Some of the most beautiful, exhilarating times that have changed my life forever and I am so glad I didn't miss them. 

But, this ride, this ride of pregnancy is one that was placed deep in my heart and something I've desired for many years. 

It's something that is effortless to so many and the deepest longing in the hearts of the few that wait. 

And so I wait...

May I wait well, asking God to give me the strength to keep standing when it seems all hope is lost. 

The humility to congratulate and celebrate others as they go ahead of me.

The endurance to not give up and trust God's timing.  

And most importantly the ears to hear His voice when He says it's time to step out of line, but until then, 

I wait here for my turn.  (or until the carnival closes.)