Memories and Pictures

You know you have a lot of pictures on your phone when you don't even have enough space to download the latest updates available. My phone is the only thing I use to take pictures anymore, the digital camera seems like an antique even though it's just a few years old.

I pulled up my photo album on my phone and decided it's as good a time as any to start cleaning it out. I mean, who needs 1600 pictures on their phone? A couple pictures of your family in your wallet use to be sufficient. Nowadays if you want to see a picture of someones kids you have thousands to choose from in every stage of life. An added bonus on my phone is you can see what I made for dinner, my new running shoes or me in my face mask.
As I scrolled through my pictures from the last couple years I was overcome with much emotion. 

So many memories and life shared. Some great feelings of victories and others of failure. 

I look back and see pictures of Rogan with his round little cheeks, and short legs and  I realize how tall and boyish he has become. I smile at the memories of how excited we were to see those first steps and hear the first words. The day when he could fit into this dump truck seems like a life time ago...

He has changed so much in just the last six months, and I'm sure the next six will be no exception. 

Even though I have a lot of pictures of this little man on my phone I also have plenty of others that also remind me of great times. Date nights with my hubby, family trips, and cherished time with friends. With the good always comes the not so good. I'm also reminded of loss, hurt and times I will never get back.

I look back and wish I could be in as good of shape as I thought I wasn't in then. Please tell me I'm not alone in this? I regret to say that I often find myself looking at a picture to see how I look. (I could veer off on a rabbit trail here, but I'll save it for another day.) Along with all the above also comes grief and sadness from broken relationships. I would love to live in a world where you make a friend, a connection and it lasts forever. That we would share our hurt feelings and offenses rather than bottle them up and sign each other off (advice for myself). Yet the reality is we are broken hurting people that hurt each other. Or sometimes life just drifts us apart and what may have been a closeness in one season of our life just isn't the same as babies grow and life changes. I hold dear to my heart each season and trust that there was purpose in each one. Yet, sometimes looking back on these pictures can just make me sad. Can anyone relate? They are times we never get back. I find myself questioning if I really loved, forgave and extended grace like Jesus. Or was I too busy trying to be heard or understood? Was I so concerned about what I was eating or what kind of shape I was in that I missed the blessings all around me? It's so easy to get focused in on one thing, one goal I want to accomplish and miss out on everything else. Looking back in time it is much easier to see the reality of it all, to cut myself some slack and extend grace to others.

So here are just a few pictures that stood out to me as I backed up pictures and created space on my phone for updates.

The weekend of my first 1/2 marathon holds nothing but good memories for me. The bittersweet comes with knowing that I will never have a "first 1/2 marathon" again.

Although I trained hard and worked my butt off for that race I see now how I took for granted the privilege of running. After coming back very slowly from an injury currently I appreciate every mile I now run, taking none of it for granted.

A few more that hold great memories and seasons of life that will always be special to me.

If there was a lesson to be learned from any of this I would say it's appreciate every moment I'm in right now. To be grateful right now, today for everything even what may seem insignificant. 

Today I am happy and grateful for running 1.5 miles with my four legged running buddy and jammin' to "I love a rainy night" by Eddy Rabbit with Fall in the air! This is most definitely a moment I will look back on and cherish. So I chose not to ruin this beautiful moment by wishing I ran further or was faster, or skinnier.
And I will never ever quit taking a million silly pictures because sometimes I just need to look back and be reminded of all my blessings!