Three good things

Have you ever noticed how it's so easy to pick on the ones we love the most more often than anyone else? 

Why is that? 

Maybe it's because we feel comfortable around them, or maybe just because we give our best to everyone else all day and when we finally see our spouse at the end of the day we are empty, spent, and mind mushed.

We point out each others' shortcomings in discreet ways of sighing as we pick up the shoes and toss them in the other room. Or mumble under our breathe as we follow behind them wiping up their messes. It is all very justifiable that we are both exhausted and tired from the long days of work and heat. Commitments take priority and quality time together takes the back seat. It's so easy to fill our short time together in the evenings with facts and information. And realistically that is all we usually have time for. 

It doesn't take long to look up from the busyness and see that we are on a crazy cycle. A little term we learned from a marriage class a long time ago... it goes like this, and in no particular order.

'He feels disrespected, he is unloving, she feels unloved, she is disrespectful.' 

I would add to that cycle from our own experience,

'she feels attacked so she attacks, he feels attacked so he attacks'. 

And that is "the crazy cycle"! Round and round we can go with the finger pointing, attacking and feeling justified. Realizing you're on the crazy cycle is the easy part, it's getting off that's more challenging. So how do you do it? Simple (just not easy)... Stop, swallow our pride and be nice!

It's amazing how just being nice can break the crazy cycle and start a whole new one... a healthy cycle. If he feels respected and admired, he is loving, and if she feels loved then she is respectful. Like so many things in life, sometimes we have to make a choice before we actually 'feel' like it and then once we choose the right thing our feelings catch up. It isn't about who makes the first move toward getting off that cycle, all that matters is that we get off it. 

So, what if I made a point to find three positive things that I appreciate and admire about him throughout the day and then communicated them? 

We are currently working on this and a lot of days it isn't on the forefront of my mind. With keeping up a house and taking care of a little boy and appointments and... well, all those things demand my attention and the best of me. But if I can remember throughout the day that I am more than a Mom and a maid... I AM a wife to an amazing man! 

It's not about flattery, or trying to come up with those three things but rather about nudging my heart and reminding me of all that I love about my husband. When I am purposefully looking for the positive about him, I am less critical of the negative.

When life is full and busy our patience grows thin. Sometimes the best choice is to say no to BBQ's and parties and just be together as a family. To give the best of myself to the one I love the most. Words of affirmation, time spent together and peace and quiet.... oh, how it can revive the weary soul! 

(If you are married, can you find and say three things you appreciate and admire about your spouse every day for a week? It's not about getting something in return, but watching our hearts change and grow more in love. I'm on this journey with you, will you join me?)