I was reflecting on this after hearing the term best friend used recently between grownup friends and wondering why it struck such a nerve in me. Or rather, why I felt hurt when I heard the words so possessively used in a friendship that I too am a part of... but not the BEST friend.
I have had very close friends in the past, friendships that honestly, were pretty exclusive. It feels wonderful to sit and talk to a girlfriend and be totally and completely understood and 'got'. Someone close enough to finish your sentences or just sit quietly when all you can do is cry. A friend that knows your heart and cares for your best interest enough to speak truth into the dark places. I believe those are truly gifts, and if we are lucky enough to experience one of those friendships in this life we can consider ourselves blessed.
If we experience and establish such a friendship, shouldn't it last forever and never change? I have struggled with this over the years and fought hard to keep some relationships exactly the same. Frozen in time. I believe though that sometimes they are just meant for a season. And that is not a cop out or an excuse to sign people off or move on (words to myself). Life changes, people move, and things can't stay the same forever. I believe that each of these friends have been placed in my life by God for specific trials I was going through, and without them there to shoulder the pain I wouldn't be who I am today. Each of them at different times in my life and each unique from the others. I know I labeled some of them as best friends over the years and I look back now and question why that was necessary.
Why is it so important to us to have a best friend? And what if we don't? I look at the pressure it puts on one particular person.
Friendships are hard, I would say more difficult than marriage. We long for them, are hurt by them yet need them so very much in our lives. I am no expert on this. Heck, I've failed many times and often I want to throw my hands up in frustration.
Some days I feel as if I live in a cave and if I never came out no would care. (I know that's crazy, but let's be honest here...we've probably all felt similar) You know, those days where everywhere you look you see BFF's having picnics at the park together or cute selfies on Facebook. Us girls are funny and I curse my womanhood most days when I hear myself vent to my husband. We are ridiculous, really!
The lies that keep us isolated tell us that she doesn't need our gifts or our kind words if she already has a friend. Or if we don't have a BFF we have somehow fallen short.
That is just silly and I know we can all agree, but when our feelings are hurt it's hard to be logical. I know I need a few close friends in my life, each one bringing something different and valuable to the relationship. As much as my selfish humanness thinks a secure exclusive friendship would be easier, I know the truth. It is never what it seems when you look through the filter of social media at the shopping trips and play dates.
In my wrestling and struggling through this recently I glanced at my fridge where I saw a magnet given to me by a dear friend. It reads, "Two are better than one... if one falls down, his friend can help him up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
I am reminded and encouraged that we do need each other, whether we are someone's best friend or not. We can always encourage and cheer on another girlfriend.
May I never compare or underestimate where God currently has me with my friendships and who he has in my life. I haven't always been, but I will be content to just be your Friend without the 'best' status.
(Who can you reach out to or encourage today, even if you think they don't need it. They may not be as secure in their friendships as you think.)
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