When Fear Can Keep You from Enjoying the Ride

Last Summer I had the opportunity to ride a ferris wheel at a little fair in Eastern Washington with my Dad and Rogan. I will say, I wasn't too keen on the idea but both Rogan and my Dad wouldn't take no for an answer. 

We stood in line, looking up at that gigantic circular thing in the sky and my stomach did a flip just thinking about being on it. Rogan of course, gazed up in awe and excitement as he held Grandpa's hand.

I've rode on a few carnival rides in my life but I think I've become a little more cautious and a little skeptical. Why would I put my life (and my son's life) in the hands of a complete stranger!? Trusting him to operate a piece of equipment that hoists me 60 feet in the air. Sounds pretty absurd when you analyze it like that. 

Once he got us loaded into the little rocking car/cage and the safety gate was fastened he stepped over to the controls and up we go... 

Well, only a few feet and then we stop, wait for the next car to be loaded and then up we go again. We slowly went higher and it got more terrifying to peek over the side, butterflies flipping around in my stomach as I imagine how much scarier it will be at the very top. There was way too much time to think just sitting there, suspended high above the ground. 

I have always felt like it is pretty acceptable to scream at carnivals, and that is truly what I wanted to do. Yet I think it would have been pretty obvious where it came from since nobody else was screaming on our ride or anywhere close to us. When the last person was loaded on to the ride (which felt like an hour) the ride could  finally begin, and it did. Around and around we went, the car rocking (thanks to my Dad adding some excitement to it), and Rogan beaming. We made memories that day last Summer, I survived and didn't even toss my cookies. And Rogan, he experienced his first ferris wheel ride. 

........

Mike reaches over and squeezes my hand, "It's a crazy ride babe. A very slow wait to what will soon be a crazy ride." 

Our house is pending, and if all goes smooth we are to be moved out in three weeks, yikes! That's exciting! Yet, now we need a place to move to. Every day we search the internet for homes to buy and for some reason or another every one is a dead end. 

During all the house showings there was a lot more activity and excitement. There was that rush that comes with the first steps, kinda like getting in the car and having the ferris wheel move for the first time. Now there is less to do as the process clicks along with a sale pending. The only thing to do is wait, wait for everyone to be loaded onto the ride. 

Now there is a lot more time to think about all the 'what if's' and look over the edge of the car to worry whether the ride was put together correctly. Time to think about how scary it will be when the car is at the top and then drops down the other side.

Taking a step of Faith in any situation is just that, A step of Faith. It requires action. First we must decide to even say yes to the ride or that first step. 

Yet, that's not where it ends. After we commit there is many more steps, just like when I was sitting on that ride waiting for the action to start. There was the step of waiting, and trusting, patiently believing that ultimately God is in control. During all those "waiting" steps there is also space that if I allow it, the doubt can sneak in and distract creating nothing but a freak out of panic. 

This waiting that we find ourselves in right now is just as important as the "YES" that started this whole journey. Who likes to wait though? Not me. 

It's often in the waiting that I feel God is silent. 

I'm fixated and focused on Him revealing a place for us to live and when that doesn't happen I start to freak out. I look over the edge of the ride, I look down at everyone below me. From that perspective of fear and panic it looks like nobody cares or sees me. It looks like everyone is moving along with their life and I am just stuck, waiting on a ride that isn't going anywhere. My hand grips tighter on the rails and I let my mind spin out of control of all the "what if's", my biggest fears of selling our house and finding ourselves in a less that desirable situation. 

But if I can stop those thoughts in their tracks and relax my grip, look up and take a deep breathe, this is what I will see...

And somehow I feel safe when I look out and look up rather than looking down and inward. 

When I embrace the part of the ride I am currently in the focus isn't on fear but rather the joy that is right in front of me.  

This, right here, is a memory I will forever cherish. And this crazy ferris wheel ride of house selling and buying is making memories that someday I will look back on as priceless memories.

May I not be so gripped by fear that I miss the blessings that God is giving me. 

For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

It's about more than money and no rain.

I checked the weather forecast and our few days of warm sunny weather was coming to an end, the rain was on it's way just in time for my first outdoor show of the season. I must admit, my heart hasn't been into leather work since we started our house selling and buying journey. I've been a bit preoccupied with other things, one of them being our beloved 8 year old dog giving us a big scare earlier in the week that his time on earth had come to an end. (After a visit to the vet and some meds he seems to be on the mend.) Although, the emotional roller coaster left me a little drained and exhausted. 
So, Friday rolls around and I finish the last of my pricing and like always decided to make just one more cuff. Mike volunteered to come with me and help set up and tear down and give me breaks. I was kinda wishing I could be self sufficient and do it on my own, not wanting to take an entire day from my husband after he had just worked all week, and then on top of it the difficulty of dragging a 4 year old around with him all day!  It seemed like a lot to ask, but he was willing to help and support me, so I accepted. My Mom said she would be praying for my show and that the rain would hold off. 

Saturday morning came early like 5:30 am and that's just crazy for Rogan and I! There weren't many words being spoken and there was much coffee drinking taking place. We were on the road and only about 30 minutes into our long drive when Mike and I watched a car in the oncoming lane hit the curb, spin a full circle and then shoot across 4 lanes right toward us! It was slow motion and happening in a blink of an eye all in the same moment. All I could do was stare at this old boat of a car (you know, the kind with an 8' hood made of all metal, not a shred of plastic on it) coming straight for us, and fast! I'm not sure exactly what happened next other than, there was braking and accelerating and some good driving on Mike's part. Somehow we managed to get out of the way by inches. The car shot past us in our lane and finally came to a stop 100 yards behind us after doing another complete spin... Crazy!

Who needs coffee to wake you up when you have adrenaline pumping through your body before 6 am!? It was a near miss to say the least, a moment where all I could do was gasp for air to catch my breathe and thank God and Mike over and over for the rest of the drive. As the very long and eventful day finally came to an end, I reflected on the crazy week and day that was now behind me. I felt exhaustion, but so much gratitude and so much fulfillment. 

If there is one thing that this house journey is teaching me, it is to trust God All. The. Time. Also, to trust my husband, to pray with him and communicate my fears and dreams. When we are facing the unknown of where we will live, comforting each other over a sick pet and having the tar scared out of us with a near miss there is something special that happens, a deep connection that reminds me of this, We are on the same team!

We are brought together closer to God and closer to each other in the midst of the storm or the chaos. 

My heart is full not because I had an overly profitable show, or because we found the perfect house. But because I experienced God's hand of protection, and connectedness with my husband. No matter where we end up living we will be okay because we will be together, and for that I'm grateful. 

At the end of the day I messaged my Mom and thanked her for praying, maybe the prayers weren't answered quite like we had planned (for great sales and no rain) but they were answered just perfectly...

God knew better than all of us just what we needed to get us through the day (all of last week for that matter). 

Dinner out after our long day on Saturday