I Got More Than I Gave

Many people have asked me these two questions since I've been home. 

How did Guatemala most impact you? 

What did you take away from he trip?

Here's my answer to both questions, in a nutshell. God's love!

Now, I know that seems really vague and a little too "tie a pretty little bow on it" for me. But I'm serious, I experienced God's love in ways I never imagined. So, I will do my best to explain something that is difficult to put into words. And share the two stories that communicated that love to me. 

As I shared in my post God's Love in another Country I was completely taken back on how God connected two families, two women, two little boys with the same hearts desire. He cared so much to match us with that specific sponsor child, and regardless of the outcome, I know deep deep down inside that He loves me and ALL my little heartaches matter to Him. That one story would have been enough, that's a pretty amazing thing to take away from the trip. But there's more... let me explain. 


On our first day at the schools, I will admit, I was overwhelmed. Like, not sad or feeling bad for them, just plain overstimulated. Everyone had talked about how there is no language barrier when you are playing with and hugging the kids, but I felt a huge barrier. Deep down inside, I felt awkward, out of place...just uncomfortable. I wanted to feel instantly magical and overcome with love, but really, I was just overwhelmed. 

This is me, on the first day...awkward!

For the second day, Tuesday I gave myself a job helping Karen in the craft room. Give me a task and then a craft on top of it, and I'm good! Then I can ease into and all the other stuff like playing soccer and running around and pushing kids on the swings. I'm not a natural at interacting with kiddos, it takes me a bit to warm up. 





Every day after the first got better and I became more comfortable. I was really enjoying myself and having fun. The few days we had with them flew by. On the last day the kids and the teachers prepared a special program for us with a dance and songs. The little girls wore beautiful fancy dresses and the boys had on nice sweaters. After the prepared songs they carried on with their normal devotional time. 

And we, the team, a crowd of adults stood there clueless to what we were about to experience.

We watched as they worshiped God, for real, unashamed and without inhibition. This is the time where they pray together and for each other on a daily basis, for big stuff like for a parent to quit drinking or to get a job. They have seen these prayers answered and we witnessed the faith that only comes from a life that has experienced hurt and God's healing. 

Then, the teachers walked over and tied bracelets on our wrists and prayed for us one on one. I was so fortunate to have Patty right next to me to translate what this beautiful (19 year old) teacher prayed for me. It was so authentic and meaningful, all I could do was hug her and accept her words.  

And if that wasn't enough to break a grown man (or woman) into a crying mess, the kids gathered around us and prayed for us. I had two or three come and get me by the hands and lead me away from where I was standing. I got down on my knees and they surrounded me, one little girl draped herself over my back and I had two more on either side of me with their little arms wrapped around me. They repeated a group prayer and in that moment all I could do was cry and humbly accept this precious prayer from these little kids in Guatemala. As the tears were falling down my cheek this little girl who was hanging over my shoulder and across my back, looked up and began wiping the tears from my cheek with her tiny dirty little hands. So I cried more, and my heart was full, fuller than it's been in a very long time. 

I don't know what her life is like, or anything about her. I only know her name because she is sponsored by one of my friends and she told me after I posted the picture on Facebook. But one thing I do know,  she clearly loves God and has this beautiful childlike faith. She was mightily used by God that day to pour out His love over me. 

Literally, she draped herself over me and wiped my tears. Isn't that a perfect visual of God's love?

I went on a mission trip to help, to work, to meet needs. And hopefully I did. But what was the most memorable and life changing was experiencing God, His care, His love spoken to me in very specific language that He knew would melt my heart.

Thank you for reading and sharing in this amazing journey with me. 

I Am With You

I am with you always, even to the end of age. Matthew 28:20

Unity...this picture says it all. 

I reflect on this verse again now that I'm home, drinking my coffee and having my quiet time on my couch, slowly reestablishing some sort of a routine. This was our verse for our trip, the verse on the back of the red t shirts that we passed out at both schools and signed them and had ours signed. I wrote this verse on the inside cover of my journal before I left as a reminder that no matter what I faced God was with me. I experienced God's love and presence time and time again last week. When I needed courage, or an extra dose of patience or energy He was faithful to come through for me. I would say that it's almost easy to draw on God's strength when so many distractions are removed and when your'e so submerged in God's work and meeting needs. 

I'm home, comfortable, I can flush toilet paper (that's a big deal) and I can drink tap water and eat fruits and vegetables without concern and sleep in my own bed... and I so quickly forget to turn to God to get me through the every day tasks. The minor things that we experienced that were different and "uncomfortable" are a small price to pay for the blessings we received. Now there's distractions and stuff, so much stuff. I can't look in a closet or a bedroom without seeing things, things I wish I could share with my Guatemalan friends and family. There is an extra blanket on the chair in my living room and another on my lap and extra toothbrushes in my bathroom drawer. I want to help more, do more, meet more needs. Each with little sacrifice on my part, it's just extras, an abundance of what we have. The time went so fast and while I was so anxious to get home to my boys, I still wished I could do more. 


Half joking I asked Mike if I can go again in July when our church takes another team. The look on his face was answer enough, he was exhausted after working his normal work week, holding down the fort and shuttling Rogan to friend's houses, taking care of him all the times in between. He would never complain, and I'm so grateful for his sacrifice so I could go. But to leave again in four months might be asking a bit much ;) What was very evident to me as I started my day on Monday was there are so many needs here, just in my home alone. Rogan needs his mama and Mike needs his wife, he appreciates the smell of food when he walks in the door from a long day of work. There is laundry and dishes and a snotty nose to be wiped and all that very important stuff that goes with being a wife and a mom. 

It is nice to be needed. 

Yet, compared to last week these needs seem insignificant, isolating and lonely. There is adventure and excitement going to another country, you feel immediate purpose while meeting needs in a tangible way on a daily basis. Right before your eyes you see change and the accomplished feeling of building something with your hands. You are in relationship with people all day everyday, and while that can bring it's own challenges it is also so nice to have someone to turn to face to face and ask for prayer, right then and there. You get to see people and hear there voices rather than see texts on your phone or emails. Your'e being emotionally emptied then filled right back up again by seeing God's provision or receiving a genuine hug or by looking into those deep dark brown eyes and feeling love.

Maybe to some people going on a mission trip seems crazy and unimaginable. But I also have to say, being faithful in the everyday tasks is difficult and a little crazy. I came across this verse on Monday and it's just what I needed to hear. "let us not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't get discouraged and give up." Galatians 6:9

Being a Mom and a wife is my greatest blessing and I truly love it! Sometimes life can be lonely and mundane (especially as a stay at home Mom), and in those times I need to remember that wiping a snotty nose is just as important as cleaning and painting and sweeping up cockroaches off a pantry floor in Guatemala. (I know that doesn't sound very fulfilling, but let me tell you, it was one of my greatest challenges and victories all together. Maybe there will be a post on that later.)  I may not be getting my hands very dirty today or making much of a sacrifice, but to my husband and son, what I do matters and they need me here. 

Sweeping the dirt, roaches, rodents and rodent feces from the pantry floor. By the time we were done, it was extreme pantry makeover. 

This explains why I feel isolated now. Cram five people in a tiny room and paint together, now that's community!

So, I continue to hold the Matthew verse close and remember that "He is with me", wherever I am whether that be Molalla or Guatemala. 

I truly can't wait for another opportunity to go back. But until then, I will be faithfully meeting the needs God has called me to here, in Molalla and in my home. 

Gods love in another country

Well, I've thought much about this post as the week has progressed, anticipating what God would speak to me and put on my heart to write. I knew no matter what, I would have pictures of this beautiful country and adorable kids. But I was praying for something really great, something that would be undoubtedly post material.

Tuesday that very thing happened! It was our second day at both schools so I felt just a little more comfortable around the kids. At San Lucas school (where there are middle school and high school aged kids) I gave my testimony. As I've written before those moments that make my heart pound out of my chest and hands sweat are always so fulfilling to me, because those are the moments when I experience so much of Gods power and strength. 

Yet that's not what it was that caused me to say, "now this is it". 

Later in the day we went back to Light of the World School (Juan Carlos's school) and did a craft with the moms. One of the ladies on our team shared her testimony which is similar to mine in that she too has dealt with infertility. After all the moms left we were sitting around with the teachers and sharing a little about ourselves (thanks to Elizabeth and Patty to translate which helped the language barrier). 

(Teachers and all the ladies on our team)

The first teacher that shared said her story was similar to the one shared earlier, she too had gone through years of "trying" and then because of God's grace she became pregnant. Her little boy is almost 7 years old. 

This is more significant than just the fact that I would naturally connect with this women because of her struggle. But another (very important) fact is that this lady is my sponsor child's Mom (who also happens to be one of the teachers at the school). 

The fact that God would care so much about me and my heart to connect me with this amazing woman through a sponsor child just blows me away!

Now, fast forward to Thursday. I had the opportunity to visit them in their home. Just being welcomed in and learning more about them was blessing enough. Knowing I shared a special connection with the Mom was an emotional moment on Tuesday and I held that close to my heart. During the visit I tried to put that aside and asked questions to learn more about them and their interests. I then asked how I could be praying for them specifically and the Dad responds. I wait intently to hear Juan Carlos translate it to English. And once again I am blown away by what I heard. 

His request, that God would bless them with another child because Samuel so badly wants a brother or sister.

As many of you know, this has also been a request of Rogans. So to be asked to pray specifically for this with my Guatemalan family brings me so much emotion. I am honored to pray for such a request. I then shared that we too are going through the same situation and they said they would also be praying for me and my family. 

I am connected to this beautiful family on a deeper level than I ever imagined. While I've experienced many amazing things this past week (and many you will hear about) I must say, this way God chose to speak to me and bless me brings me to my knees with nothing but gratitude. 

Thanks for reading. :)

On my way

It all feels surreal that the trip to Guatemala is finally here. For the past eight years our church has led a team and every year I have known someone that has gone. Just about every time they left I would say, "I wish I was going with them. Someday,  I want to go". Now, here it is.

Back in September Mike and I decided to take steps toward going, having no idea how all the details would come together. And now, here we are in March and I look back to see that God made it happen, he paved the way.

I am honored to get to know the other 13 people on our team (and I'm sure quite well after 10 days traveling together), for the privilege of sharing God's love with the people in Guatemala, and to experience God's filling and work in my life.

I anticipate so much with all the stories I hear from my friends who have gone, and I'm just so ready to be on that plane. My prayer has been that God prepares my heart for whatever work he wants to do in me. Because really, the change He wants to work in me is just as important as what we do for others in Guatemala.

So next weeks post will be coming at you live from Guatemala. I am writing this one a little early, because Friday I will be on a plane or an airport or taking in the first sights and sounds of Guatemala. And I'm sure if I try and write anything it won't make a bit of sense after a red eye flight and all the distractions.

So, today I spent the day taking a few extra deep breaths and soaked up every moment with this little man. One thing I know for sure is, I'm going to miss my three boys something fierce! (husband, kid and dog)

Thank you all so much for the prayers and support.
As well as a special thank you to Mike and my amazing friends for holding down the fort and watching the kiddo to make this trip possible!