Stepping Into The Waves (When He Calls You Off The Bench)

The days were long as the winter grew even longer. Depression has a way of sneaking in silently and even more so when you feel that you've been forgotten. As I sat there waiting on the bench, I doubted the stillness God was asking of me. In the deafening silence I began to question that I heard God correctly, wondering if this was really the path I was to be on. 

It's not easy to talk about, it's not easy to explain, it's not easy to wait. Depression and unanswered prayers have a way of making people uncomfortable, especially when they can't fix it. Sitting still is one of the hardest things to do, and sometimes there's just no solution or way to speed up the process.

. . . . . . .

And then, without a moments notice, God says, "Come on, lets go!" The phone call came at the end of an ordinary day, I was in such shock when I hung up all I could do was cry happy tears. This was it! It was finally our turn to move into a new season. And in that moment all the waiting seemed worth it. I jumped off the bench and was ready to sprint up the hill. Being called into action has a way of shaking depression and bringing the hopeless to life.   

Only, the road ahead never looks exactly like we imagine. 

Instead of God calling me off the bench He called me out of the boat and into the ocean. 

The OCEAN!

I'm not a big fan of water and especially not the ocean, I don't like how unpredictable the waves are and how they pummel you, knocking you over just about the time you get back up. The ocean is scary and huge!

I step out of the boat in pure faith trusting that He will quickly catch me, and He does. It is scarier than I ever imagined and exhilarating all at the same time. Off in the distance I see a beautiful island, it excites me and for a moment I can see the beauty in all of this. The plan seems clear and I am honored that He would call us to such a journey.

Then out of nowhere a huge wave comes up from behind and knocks me down, I'm sucked under and I can't breathe. I'm terrified and just want to go back to the boat, even the dark and depressing bench seems so much safer. 

I cry out to Him in utter fear, "You picked the wrong person, God. I'm not strong enough. Surely, there is someone better fit for this." 

The waves continue to pull me under, I've lost sight of the land that once gave me so much hope. I question. I fear drowning. I panic. I meltdown. 

But one thing is always true, no matter how dark and overwhelming the night is the sun always rises and with it brings a renewed sense of hope. The morning brings light and the waves are calm, I listen closely and I can hear Him whisper, 

"I've got you, you're going to be okay. There will be more waves but I will never leave your side." 

Again and again I am pointed back to this verse, "My Grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I am so weak left on my own and there are many days that are simply too much for me to bear but it's here that He gives me confidence in the crashing waves and strength for one more day. There are no guarantees that there will be a happy ending to the story, but I do know HE will carry us through this uncharted territory.