"She picked us... US!!!"
We were driving home from a dinner meeting with a birth mom that wanted to meet us. We left that night hopeful, excited and also scared out of our mind. Our hearts were on the line and our hopes were up. Our case worker told us that we probably wouldn't know anything till the following week, we just had to 'wait' all weekend.
And then just minutes down the road the phone call that changed our lives forever... "Congratulations! You are having a baby boy in October", said the voice on the other line.
The next step was to get ready for a baby in two short months. And so we did! Gathering used baby gear and getting the room ready. All the while hearing words of congratulations and excitement from friends and acquaintances. But with all those conversations also came the looks of doubt and caution. Some expressed their concern while others smiled and nodded with the look of "your'e crazy!" written all over their faces.
Could she have changed her mind? Absolutely! Could the whole thing have fallen apart after we had a nursery full of baby gear? Yup!
The question was, were we going to allow fear to cripple us and hinder the blessing God was laying out before us?
Fast forward 5 years and we find ourselves in another situation where we are picked from a number of people for the purchase of a house. Mike walks out of the house and hugs me, "She picked us honey, she picked US!!"
Our offer was accepted and now, once again we wait. So many variables and scenarios that could happen with the sale of our house and the now pending purchase on our dream place.
All the "what if's" can creep in again. All the same conversations of congratulations and caution. The dreaming and imagining how different our lives will be months from now. Excitement, anticipation, thankfulness all bundled into one blur of an emotion. Life has a way of causing us to be skeptical and cautious usually for good reason. And while I've experienced disappointment and let down dreams I am also reminded of how He has guided us in the past.
I come across this very familiar verse in Hebrews, it's significant to me because when I look it up in my Bible I see yellow and pink highlighter and theses words penned next to it...
"Still waiting and enduring! 10/4/09"And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Hebrews 12:1-2
This was dated just five days before Rogan was born. Yet at the time it seemed we had been waiting forever with her being four days past her due date. Little did we know that we still had 5 days to wait. How did I continue to go into work everyday and carry on with life not knowing when the phone call would come? I kept my eyes on Jesus (and did A LOT of nesting)! That was the only thing that got me through those days when it would've been so easy to look away and give in to fear.
Some (most) days I think it would be much easier to tell our current story once safely on the other side. We are smack in the middle of it. In a place where doubt and fear can rule if I let them. A place where we may look a little crazy to those around us. But the thing about this place; it builds something more in me, something of faith and trust.
I choose to remember God's provision, His love and how I got here in the first place. (Not in my own strength.) I hold tightly to Him, taking the steps necessary and choosing excitement over fear when the unknown is before me. I shutter to think about all we would've missed out on in the past had we played it safe and not risked when God asked us to take a step.
I glance over my shoulder and remember, finding confidence in His faithfulness. It really is enough to blindly hold out my hand and follow him into the dark.
May you too choose Faith over Fear today in whatever you are facing.
Thanks for reading
